This time of year

This time of year is the worst when you are her.  It's lonely.  It's days you dread.  I hate it.  Every year.

I became irrationally mad today.  I was mad because I am single and dealing with things he can help me with if he had "picked" me.  I am pretty independent but sometimes I just want help and get overwhelmed trying to deal with things the man in the relationship usually deals with.  I was mad thinking how much I can offer, how much he knows this, and how lonely it is doing it on my own.  I can do it.  But sometimes I just don't want to have to.  I want someone to help me.  And I get irrationally mad that his wife has him to do those things for her and doesn't appreciate it.  And I get mad all over again wondering why I wasn't good enough for the "normal" stuff.

I get mad at myself that I have only truly been interested in one guy since him and he turned out to be a jerk.

I get mad thinking all the times I heard "man someone will be really lucky to have you one day."  Well if you say that why wouldn't it be you?

I get sad sometimes but some days I just get mad.  Mad that I have given him so much power over me.  Nobody should have so much power over you to control your emotions so much.

I wish we had a switch to turn the emotions off but since we don't....I hate this time of year.