Some harsh truths

I'm going to talk about some harsh truths.  If you are the significant other and prefer to be comforted with lies...don't read this.  If you prefer to be blissfully ignorant, don't read this.  For all the other ladies out there in my shoes, I think you'll agree with me on the following points. 

• Just because her number isn't in his phone, it doesn't mean he doesn't call her.
• Just because he is friends with her on FB doesn't mean he isn't with her.
• Just because he is NOT friends with her on FB doesn't mean he isn't with her.  You really can't win with this attempt at figuring things out.  FB reveals nothing.  Unless he sends messages through FB and forgets to delete them.
• Sometimes she really hopes you suspect and it drives you crazy because she has to deal with so many different emotions on her end, she hopes you deal with emotional ups and downs too. 
• The reason that she doesn't tell you anything even when she feels at her wits end with the situation is because a. she is protecting him and b. she wants him to want her on his own term, not because she forced him into it.  (if you do encounter a her that tells you everything, or passive aggressively tells you everything like via a fake FB account...then your man chose a CRAZY one and he most likely regrets that)
• Every anniversary (as in your anniversary), birthday, holiday-she is thinking about him and wondering what he is doing.  Sometimes...he even sees her on those days and that makes her feel really special knowing he wants to see her on days you think are your special days. 
• As much as you may hate her, she has heard nothing good about you so she really can't stand you either. 
• If you suspect anyone of being a her, you should've tried to get to know her and be friends with her, especially if she tried to get to know you.  I tried that route and was completely shot down.  Had I become friends with the significant other, maybe I would've worried more about the impact.  That ship sailed quickly after I made several attempts...and so did my giving a damn.  Harsh?  Yes.  True?  Yes.  Did I make sure to tell him my thoughts about that exact thing?  Yes.  "She should've tried to get to know me better because now I will always take your side."  Period. 
• There are days she is very jealous of you in a way.  She wants the normalcy you have with the day to day things.  She wants to be able to go out in public and enjoy a normal relationship.  But she knows you didn't really "win" in the situation.  Because if you knew about her...you would want what she has.  Her confidence, her ability to give him things that you don't or that you choose not to.  Ultimately, she has the power.  She isn't forcing him to come back to her time after time.  What brings him back is what she provides that is missing from home.
• It boils down to this final statement-if someone wants to stray from the relationship there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.  You can check cell phones, emails, FB...it doesn't matter.  Even if they say the "when would I have time?" line...they make time.  There is always time for what someone feels is a priority. 
• Sex is important to every guy even if they say it isn't.  It is.  So is respect and admiration. 
• Even if she eventually is out of the picture, the problems don't disappear with her.  The problems were there long before she appeared. 

There are some harsh truths for all the her's out there as well.  Such as...

• By giving him what he wants he can have the stability of a relationship and the fantasy that you provide.  We are letting him have his cake and eat it too. 
• The relationship you have with him is based purely on his convenience. 
• As much as you pretend the significant other doesn't exist, it is a punch in the gut when you see her. 
• You will overthink more than  you ever thought possible.
• You will dread certain days of the year. 
• You will want to tell your friends how happy he makes you and you will want to tell your friends how frustrated the situation makes you but you can't.  Or you can if you trust them enough with keeping it to themselves.  But it is a heavy burden to bear. 
• You are human and you will get jealous even if you know things are bad at home.
• And you love hearing the stories about how bad things are at home. 
• You also hate hearing stories about anything that sounds remotely good. 
• When you hear other people talk about him and his family you will want to scream about how it's not real because he has you but you smile and nod and mutter under your breath about how FB doesn't show what goes on behind closed doors. 
• You LOVE hearing other people come up to you and say "wow I met the wife and she is so rude."  It really validates that you don't just despise her just because you adore him.
• Whatever feelings you have you are allowed to have.  If you confide in someone and they invalidate your feelings then stop confiding in them.  Nobody can understand the feelings until they've been in your shoes.  Nobody.  It's ok to feel jealous, sad, mad, happy, confused, frustrated, hopeful, stupid, naïve, or whatever it is you feel.  It's ok. 
• You'll imagine the most amazing, fun filled family life at home when you wonder what he is doing.  Most of the time what you imagine is completely wrong.  Stop thinking so much. 
• He would not be with you if he were truly happy at home. 
• While people may judge you if you reveal anything, it's not their life.  And it's not their heart.  It's yours to risk.  Follow it.  But don't make him the center of your universe until he makes you the center of his.